Christmas Magic

It's Christmas time again, and if the hype about 2012 is to be believed, this will be the last Christmas before the end of the world and ironically, the only Christmas in my lifetime that we do not have a tree. The roads are filled with more traffic, the weather is turning colder and the malls are filled with people hustling to and fro seeking the perfect gift for the people in their lives. The trees are trimmed, the stockings are hung from the chimney with care and the kids are all in bed, hoping Santa will bring them what their little hearts most desire. I've spent a lot of time this past week remembering the Christmas celebrations from my childhood and remembering the quirky old family traditions, most of them common to many families, each contributing to the whole of my childhood Christmases. Little things, such as leaving milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for his reindeer, making edible Christmas ornaments out of rice crispies and peppermint candies, making cotton ball snowmen and ornaments out of coffee can lids and Popsicle sticks. The tradition that holds a very special place in my heart is to sprinkle sugar on the Christmas tree before bed on Christmas eve and it will grow candy canes magically overnight while you're slumbering. I remember creeping downstairs at the crack of dawn to find exactly what I had asked Santa for under the tree, pouncing on my brother's beds to wake them up so they could come help me get mom and dad out of bed so we could open presents, and playing with our new toys all day before the most amazing meal of the year was served to eagerly awaiting hungry little faces.

What I never gave a second thought to while growing up was exactly how much work it takes to make all those magical amazing memories happen for a kid. I never realized back then how tiring, expensive and labor intensive the holidays are. I have gained a whole new level of respect for everything my parents, family members and neighbors did for us growing up to make the holidays hold that special, magical place in our hearts. While I may not be able to thank each and everyone of them individually, may it be known to the universe that I fully appreciate each and everyone of them!

The most hard hitting realization for me this year was the food. I love food, I adore food and I am learning to fall in love with cooking it. Last night I went shopping with my brother for all the fixings to make a spectacular blast from the past Christmas meal using old family recipes. While wandering the isles filling the buggy with things like nutmeg and evaporated milk, Dodging perky middle aged women in Christmas sweaters and herds of people in their pajamas taking up most of the isles talking to each other I realized something. Well, several things really, first off, Why the hell are all these people in their pajamas?? I've watched enough "What not to wear" to know that Pajamas are for lounging around the house, not going on a shopping expedition. They are completely unflattering and present an image of "I'm lazy and don't care about myself enough to put on real clothes." Also, why are all these women wearing Christmas sweater vests, It's like they've suited up for war and are prepared to win the Mrs. Clause look alike award. (Except for the backwoods Christmas Dolly Parton look alike lady I ran into, that was pretty 70's retro and totally awesome!) But to the point, Holiday meals are a lot more work than I thought they were!

I'm staying with my brother through the holidays to help out with my nephew and I get to be nose deep in the 'behind the scenes' traditions of Christmas magic making. Helping my nephew decorate his own Christmas tree, watching him build a Lego Christmas land complete with stray legos as lego presents and being used as a jungle gym has reminded me what the holidays are really all about. It's not about the myths and legends that pre-date the holidays or who started what tradition. It's not about who is right and who is wrong, and it's not even about the food or the presents...it's about the memories. It's about making magical amazing memories for my nephew that will stay with him for his whole life, spending time with my brothers and sister in laws, spending time preparing a meal for my father and grandmother, and even the stress and heartache that comes with trying to make the life altering choices that are ahead of me in the coming year. When it comes right down to it, It's about family. And even though I have spent every Christmas with my family, this year it's different. We're not going to Grandma's house where there is no holiday cheer and no decorations, we're not all loading up and commuting and we're not all bickering and fighting. For the first time in a very long time, it actually feels like it's Christmas, the way Christmas SHOULD be. And that, includes a family recipe box, a day full of cooking and the smells and sounds of Christmas.

From my family to yours, whether you call it Christmas, Yule, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or The season of Bah-hum-bug... I hope you all have a blessed and wonderful holiday season, a fantastic new year and that you each get to experience the closeness and magic that comes with spending the holidays with your family, whether they be blood family, or chosen. :)

True Beauty

Your Body Is Beautiful The Way It Is

photo ©2011 Sarah Wade - Bardic Pirate Studio

 Stop for a moment. Ponder the amazingness of your body. 

Think about the miracle of each breath that enters into your lungs, effortlessly, without uncertainty. Think about all of your senses; you are tasting, feeling, smelling, hearing, seeing, incessantly; these sensations enrich your life, make it gorgeous, vibrant, liveable. 

Think about the uniqueness of your fingerprint, your eye color, your skin tone, your hair texture. Think about the beauty of your mind, how it houses memories, thoughts, beliefs, concepts, signals; how all of these things help you function, create and interact with other humans. 

Think about the body's spectacular natural rhythms; it sleeps every night, wakes every morning, it enables you to eat, digest food, expel waste, it allows you to experience divine pleasure in the form of orgasms. 

Think about your heartbeat, and how it has never, ever failed you. 

All of this is extraordinary!

But we do not focus on these marvelous things. 

Instead, we focus on how we need to lose ten pounds. How many grey hairs are peeking through our scalps. How the outside world perceives us (when in reality, they are probably not even paying attention to us). How small our breasts are. How much we hate our noses. How hairless our bodies should be. How insignificant we are. How perfect we should be, at all times. 

How irrelevant, when something so phenomenal is happening within our bodies at the moment.

There are billions of tiny cells within us, working for our bodies in harmony, without complaint. They are completely devoted to us; they practically worship us. These cells keep us alive, strong, healthy; even while we are fretting about cellulite on our thighs or our "unsightly" smile lines. They feel the vibration of your negative thoughts, these vibrations will even kill some of them... yet they keep working. Diligently.

This is remarkable.

So much time would be saved, so many cells would go on living, if we ceased worrying about our appearance. We would find so much joy in the incredible abilities our body is capable of. We would smile in spite of our imperfections; we would celebrate them, we would fall in love with them. 

We would make peace with the fact our bodies are beautiful precisely the way they are right now, because they are healthy, they are living, they are breathing. We have the ability to walk towards the direction of our dreams, to use our hands to write, to use our arms to embrace, to use our mouths to devour delicious meals and to use our voices to spread significant messages in the world. 

These are all miracles, precious gifts. 

This is my message to you: 

Do not upset yourself with thoughts of inadequacy. Do not get riled up at the number you see on a scale. Do not reject your body. Do your best to steer clear from self-judgement and critical thoughts. Realize that you are doing your body, all of those loyal cells, an unkindness with your self destructive mantras. 

Instead, be grateful of every breath, every step, every minute you are alive, blinking in this moment.

Realize that beauty is just a concept. Keep it in perspective. Meditate on the miraculousness of your body, the cohesiveness of your insides. Those are the things that truly matter. 

Your body is beautiful, perfect, outstanding; just the way it is. 

(P.S. I would really appreciate it if you would help me spread this message. More people need to realize the utter magnificence of their bodies.)

(I sourced this article from http://sexloveliberation.com/your-body-is-beautiful/, though I have seen it on a number of other blogs as well and none of them source the original author.)

Unplugging

So I made a decision tonight to unplug from the net for a few days. I'm not sure exactly what I am going to do, but I really feel like I need to just take a step back for a bit and kinda recharge my batteries and reevaluate a few things in my life. So, I will likely not be updating the twitter, facebook, or blog for a few days at least while I attempt to rediscover my own personal path.

Double edged sword

I am going through a period where I am learning the hard way that some things just aren't worth fighting about. I am starting to understand that things are really not as big and dramatic as people make them out to be, I am beginning to see the people that really matter to me, and the ones that were just around because they wanted something from me. It's really a big lesson for me to learn and something I think I really needed. The past couple of days have taught me a lot.

People are not always what they seem at first, sometimes they are just wounded animals putting up a front. And sometimes they will snap and bite at the ones who are trying to be supportive. All things considered, I'm really not that upset. I was at first, but the more I think about it, and the more I look at the blessings I DO have in my life, the more I remember that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime...and when it's time for a reason or a season to move out, it's best to just let them go, hold the good times close and remember the lessons they brought with them.

So I am also learning that lessons are like a double edged sword. On one side, they're cutting things that are hindering you out of your life, and on the other, they are teaching you valuable lessons, such as; "Ouch, That's sharp...Don't touch that!"

Makeover time!

Well, I figured it was about time for a new look, so the blog got a makeover today! It's not the only thing that is going to be changing, so check back often! I start back to school Monday morning and I am taking a painting class this go around, so I'm going to have some new work to upload! :)

Au Revoir for now Blogland!

Pin up lesson - Learning more about my personal vision.

I learned some very valuable things yesterday at the Pinup Calendar photo shoot I went to. I went to help a friend with her photo shoot, and to help the photographer as well. She bought me the cutest little sailor outfit and took some pics with me as well. She did my makeup and hair for me and I had a good time and learned some very valuable things for me.

1. Pinup modeling is nowhere near as easy as they make it look. The poses are painful to hold, the lights are blinding, the clothes are uncomfortable, you pretty much have to kill your hair with product and the comments from the peanut gallery can make you feel like a piece of meat. Kudos to the Pin ups, You have more gusto than I do, I couldn't do what you girls do on a daily basis, I know cause I tried it!!!

2. Pinup modeling is NOT something I think I would be interested in for myself. While the thought did cross my mind, and I had considered it for a while, I really didn't like the way I looked in the pics that were taken of me. (But I LOVED the fake eyelashes!)

3. I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY!!! I always knew I loved photography, and I knew I would love it in many different ways, But wow...I got immersed in some full scale photography and I loved it! I really think I learned alot, not just about photography, but about modeling as well. I like the idea of bringing my own personal visions to life, and I learned a little bit about what people are always telling me when they say that I see things differently than most people.

Does this mean I'm not going to model for the people who have asked me to? Nope. Those shoots aren't pinup shoots. I think the Gothic and Fantasy themed shoots might be different for me, I know I can pull off a floor length black dress and boots... not so much on the mini skirt and heels. My legs are a little too short n' stubby for mini skirts. My body is more torso than leg and pinup clothes are not flattering on my body type. I'm also just simply not comfortable showing that much skin! I think that I might be more comfortable in a shoot that is themed towards things that I am already really interested in, aside from just looking pretty on camera.

All in all, I think I learned a huge lesson from this. I learned that even in a situation where I am not really as interested as I thoguht I was in the subject matter, I would still love to be the photographer. I learned that Pinup doesn't suit me. And I gained a whole new respect for the models that are out there everyday, putting themselves through this weird form of torture to make themselves look as amazing as they do! Bravo and Kudos to you all!

So, where do I go from here? Well, it's only one possibility checked off of my long list of options, and an affirmation of the photography option for me. I really enjoyed the setup, green screen, lights, and watching the photographer at work. I really enjoyed being behind the camera and taking a few shots of my own with my own perspective and they came out fantastic! :D

Aside from the lessons, I got some really cute pictures, and some not so cute pictures of myself to keep in my scrapbook. :) Adios Pinup! You're not for me! I sail on to other horizons. :)

Thoughts from a Full Moon Meditation

If you don't take control of your own Destiny, Someone else will! And you will NOT be happy with where they are sending you. When people push their opinions and ideas about the things YOU should be doing with your life on you, all it does is make you angry and cause issues between you and that person.
Take a look in the mirror and ask THAT person what you should be doing with your life because when it comes right down to it, You're the one that has to live with your choices. Are you going to make them for yourself, or let other people make them for you? Are you going to take control of the story of your life and be your own author or let someone else decide your adventures?

Everything you need to accomplish your goals is available to you if you reach out and take it. Take the reins and take back your power, focus on your true intention, focus on what you want and need in your own life. If you want to make a change in the world, start with yourself. Open your heart to the possibilities of Self Love, and Self Respect. We all walk our own paths, towards the same end, The journey getting there is different for everyone. Don't impose your beliefs on others paths because they might work for you, but they are personal beliefs and opinions that are valid for your path alone.

I am a HUGE advocate of self expression. Especially when that self expression goes against the grain and challenges people's perspectives. I believe that creativity and self expression are wonderful ways to solidify our individuality and leave a statement that says "I did this! I lived this life, MY way!" So, are you going to accept what is being offered you today? Are you going to take the reins and live for you, or let someone else lead you down their path while yours is overgrown with weeds?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...How do you want to spend it?

Sembeo Sound Matrix Soundboard

So I was stumbling through some links on my G+ news feed, when I saw a link that I normally would not have clicked on, But curiosity got the better of me and I clicked... and once the page opened, the next thing I knew, an hour had gone by and I had spent that hour clicking away at the little boxes and RELAXING for the first time in a week.
So I followed the source codes to find the original creator of this nifty little gizmo, and found that most every link lead back to Sembeo, So, Check this page out, watch the awesome videos, and play with the sound matrix Sound board below!! :D

CLICK THE SQUARES TO MAKE SOME MUSIC

Can't Rain All The Time

We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see.
- Jane Siberry, "It Wont Rain All The Time"

So  the past few weeks have been pretty much hell. I have had a complete collapse of self confidence and fell into a hole of depression and self- loathing. I have been trying to clamber my way out of this hole without causing any undue hardship on people who don't need it. It's really hard to feel like you have anyone to talk to when you feel like all you're doing is burdening people with your bullshit. No matter how many times someone says "I don't mind, really, you need to vent!" It doesn't help. No matter how many people say "I'm here for you if you need me." It doesn't help. No matter how many people want to help, the fact of the matter is, there really isn't anything that anyone can do to help. 

People say when you get down, the worst thing you can do is stay home, that you need to go out and be with friends, that you need to be around people who care. The problem is, I don't know how to tell if people actually care or if they are just trying to cheer me up so they don't feel uncomfortable. When you're lost, and can't see and feel like you're under a heavy cloud of depression, things become distorted and don't really make much sense anymore. And whats worse, is when you're already in 'self hate mode' and people start pushing their expectations on you. I know who I am, I know what I have and what I don't have, and I don't need to be consistently reminded of the things I do not have. I know I don't have them and I know it's inconvenient. So what am I supposed to do about it? I don't really know the answer to that, but what I am doing about it is venting. Journaling. Getting it out!!!! Don't let it fester, Don't let it build up inside, Get it out on paper so it doesn't become a toxin that infects my system and pulls me into a poisoned place. 

So yes, I have been Journaling again. It feels good. Its refreshing, liberating and healing. I have been telling other people for months to start journaling and their stress levels will go down, but of course as per the norm, I'm great at dishing it out but do I ever take my own advice? Nah, of course not! So..."The truest test is when we cannot see"** I'm fighting my way out of blindness, trying to determine light from dark without knowing which is which and the strongest urge I have had through all of it is the urge to run.  Run away, start over again somewhere where people don't know me. Erase all my info online and start over anew. Problem is...running never solves anything. So its been a constant struggle for me to fight this urge. Right now. All I know is that "it wont rain all the time, the sky wont fall forever."** I do have people who care about me, and don't want to see me fall, fail or die trying. I do have light at the end of this tunnel, it's just a matter of getting to it. 

Until Next Time, Au Revoir Bloggers.

** - Quotes from the song 'Can't rain all the time" by Jane Siberry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfZzkhfz89c

Halloween of Times long past!!!

Well, I was trying to share a link on Facebook to a photo of me from the 1980's when my mother made me a JEM Costume for Halloween and it wouldn't link right! So, I decided to make a blog post about it and share it that way! :) Here you go folks, Me on Halloween in approx 1986 as JEM, From the TV show Jem and the Holograms.

The Birth of Bardic Pirate Studio!!

Ahoy there bloggers!!!

I send ta ye' a message in a bottle, come one come all to the new Bardic Pirate Studio!!

Ha! If I was really that cheesy, do you think people would flock to my site? Probably not. :P Anywho, I have started up Bardic Pirate Studio, a place for me to showcase my artwork, and designs and vend my wares to unsuspecting passerbys. So if you get a chance, Check out the Facebook page, Like it, Support a starving artist and maybe even place an order while you're there! :)

http://www.facebook.com/SarahWadeArt

Thanks for your support! :)



Not all Angel's come equipped with wings

April 27, 2011 Tornados ripped apart the face of Alabama, almost a year to the day that my hometown of Albertville was ripped apart by an EF3 Tornado. I was unable to aid the friends and family who were in the area of damage, but I was able to help some people with charging their phones in power outage areas and was able to help save their frozen and refridgerated foods from spoiling due to lack of power and my brother's Bearded Dragon and Leopard Gecko were being brought back to my house so they could have their heat lamps.

While at my brother's house charging his wife's phone in the truck, this little puppy came up to us from the trailer park across the street and played with us for a while. I fell in love with her then, but I never knew at that point that she would change my life.
While checking on the lizards in the truck, I heard her get hit by a car. My heart lept into my throat and I ran to her. She hunkered down under a car in the trailer park while the people who were outside grilling just stared.

Now most dogs when they are in pain will snap if someone comes near, especially if they touch them in a way that causes any pain. She never once snapped, niped or growled at me, just looking up at me with those golden eyes as though to say "Please help me."

I picked her up and went door to door trying to find the owner, the kids in the park had told me they knew who's dog it was and that the person had moved away and left her there. None of the people in the trailer park showed a single ounce of kindness towards her and all said "She ain't mine, if you want her, take her." So I did.

I brought her home, knowing that there was no way that I could afford the medical bills it would take to make her well again. I couldn't just leave her there to die! All I could offer this poor baby was some love, nourishment and shelter, and knew in my heart that it would be better for her to die having known love than to die under a car in a trailer park full of people who didn't care.

She has been unable to walk, meaning that I have had to carry her outside for her to use the restroom and carry her back in. Her back legs are damaged and after two days she is able to stand for short periods of time and hobble around, but she desperately needs medical attention!!!

I posted on facebook about my dilema and a dear friend of mine began taking donations to cover her medical expenses. She then posted a blog about her, and less than 24 hours later we had raised enough money to get her into the vets office. We have had donations from as far away as Wales! I had people offer to buy her flea medicine, and two people brought me food for her.

The initial X-Rays determined that she has a Pelvic Fracture and the ball of her Femur bone is broken requiring either a $2500 - $3000 surgery to rebuild the femur ball, which will end up being a surgery that will have to be repeated as she grows, A $500-$1000 surgery to remove the femur ball in essence turning her hip joint into a fused shoulder joint which will hinder her mobility, Aputation of her leg, or do nothing and hope for the best while she writhes in pain from bone grinding on bone.

While every little but helps and the donations we have received for her have helped us to possibly save her life, we still need more to cover her medical expenses.
As an unemployed student living with a father on disability, I cannot afford the bills for this dog. I have grown to love her and she has shown me that Angels don't always come equipped with wings, sometimes they are furry and have 4 paws. Every life deserves the chance to flourish.

Little Angel's Facebook Page

The loss of a beloved

So, It was my birthday today (Well, technically yesterday now as it is 1:30 in the am as I write this)...The big 31. Yippie. I spent my birthday at a wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and I had a good time even though I was mistaken for someone's mother, Do I really look old enough to have a 12 year old kid? Maybe it was the clothes, or maybe it was my hair, I don't know, I do know that I feel like I am starting to wonder who that woman is that stares at me from the other side of the mirror. What happened to being 18 and cute? When was it decided that it was time that I grow up? I'm starting a cycle of re evaluation in my life and I am coming to the realization that if I am going to accomplish that bucket list of things I want to do, I better get busy and do them while I still can!
Aging aside, I have had, as per the trend, another shitty birthday week.

My little kitty Jack Boots died two days before my birthday. He was my best friend, I had grown accustomed to him sleeping on my bed and it's so hard to fall asleep without hearing his little purrs. He came to us such a short time ago for my attachment to him to have been as intense as it is, but that little kitty has helped me through some really rough patches this past winter.
Last Samhain, some cruel horrible person threw him out of their car into our yard and I took him in, nurtured him back to health and grew extremely attached to him. I had never had an animal that was so obviously my pet before Jack. He followed me everywhere I went, slept on my bed, and curled up on my lap while I did homework. He even tried to help me paint. We watched TV and movies together, and I used to leave the front door open and laugh at him as he ran from the kitchen counter through the house and out the door to the top of the Dogwood tree in the front yard, then back to the kitchen. He used to make these cute little half mew half purr sounds when he ate, and he liked to steal my jewelry and make hidden stashes of 'treasure'.
I will miss him more than anyone could possibly understand.

R.I.P. Jack Boots, You left your pawprints on my heart and forever they remain.

Well, That's about all I have for tonight...I'm off to dream of finding the fountain of youth! LOL

New Header - Stacey's Sig Templates!

Just wanted to post real quick so I can get a linkback to a wonderful sig tag designer.
I wasn't really planning on spending the night designing a header tag for my blog, but I got an email from Stacey and she posted up a new blog with her templates and I just HAD to play around! (I mean, what else is there to do other than play WoW when insomnia strikes!) So, I played around in Photoshop tonight and came up with what I think is a great blog header.
Here's a link to her blog, Check out her templates! http://stacey-lookingglass.blogspot.com/

Aside from Stacey's wonderful template, I snagged a pirate render from http://www.planetrenders.net which was Rendered by Mordekhai and the little pirate skull is my own little photoshop doodle. :)
Hope y'all like the new header! :)
Au-revoir for now Bloggers!

Potentials and Possibilities

(I made this image specifically for this blog, I am the model in this image. Please do not use this image for anything! Thank you.)

I had a really intense revelation last night, akin to a divine 2x4 upside the head. I've been really struggling with trying to understand how to overcome the things in my life that are keeping me from reaching my full potential and have been doing a lot of meditation on it. I had started to feel like no matter what I did, I would never reach the core of the problem in order to solve it. My life was an onion with so many layers of issues and every time I would overcome one, there would be another layer, fumigating my life and causing more pain and tears. I started to think of things as a vicious cycle that would never end and that the only thing I could do with my whole life was just work on the issues to get to the core of it all. 

We each have possibilities in our lives, potentials we can reach, dreams to fulfill. While it's good to acknowledge those potentials and could be's and work towards them, Sometimes we forget to look beyond them. It is unhealthy to focus on what we 'could be' to the exclusion of the celebration of who we ARE right now.

Yes, we all have issues, we all have problems to work through in our lives and NONE of us are perfect. How boring would that be? I believe that the biggest mistake a person can make is to overlook the celebration of their life. Whether it be in effort to 'better themselves' or because of the opinions and actions of others. How can you be better if you don't understand where you're at right now? How can you reach your full potential if you don't understand the potential you've already achieved. Embrace the YOU that you are and love them for who they are RIGHT NOW.

What a deep and dark rabbit hole I fell into, and while I'm climbing way back out, I'm realizing that I stepped through the looking glass instead of loving the person reflected back at me. 

Brightest Blessings to all reading this, and I hope that each and every one of you can learn to love yourself, look past what you 'could be' and embrace the amazing and wonderful person that you already ARE! <3 

Au-Revoir for now bloggers! 

The Bardic Pirate.