Not all Angel's come equipped with wings

April 27, 2011 Tornados ripped apart the face of Alabama, almost a year to the day that my hometown of Albertville was ripped apart by an EF3 Tornado. I was unable to aid the friends and family who were in the area of damage, but I was able to help some people with charging their phones in power outage areas and was able to help save their frozen and refridgerated foods from spoiling due to lack of power and my brother's Bearded Dragon and Leopard Gecko were being brought back to my house so they could have their heat lamps.

While at my brother's house charging his wife's phone in the truck, this little puppy came up to us from the trailer park across the street and played with us for a while. I fell in love with her then, but I never knew at that point that she would change my life.
While checking on the lizards in the truck, I heard her get hit by a car. My heart lept into my throat and I ran to her. She hunkered down under a car in the trailer park while the people who were outside grilling just stared.

Now most dogs when they are in pain will snap if someone comes near, especially if they touch them in a way that causes any pain. She never once snapped, niped or growled at me, just looking up at me with those golden eyes as though to say "Please help me."

I picked her up and went door to door trying to find the owner, the kids in the park had told me they knew who's dog it was and that the person had moved away and left her there. None of the people in the trailer park showed a single ounce of kindness towards her and all said "She ain't mine, if you want her, take her." So I did.

I brought her home, knowing that there was no way that I could afford the medical bills it would take to make her well again. I couldn't just leave her there to die! All I could offer this poor baby was some love, nourishment and shelter, and knew in my heart that it would be better for her to die having known love than to die under a car in a trailer park full of people who didn't care.

She has been unable to walk, meaning that I have had to carry her outside for her to use the restroom and carry her back in. Her back legs are damaged and after two days she is able to stand for short periods of time and hobble around, but she desperately needs medical attention!!!

I posted on facebook about my dilema and a dear friend of mine began taking donations to cover her medical expenses. She then posted a blog about her, and less than 24 hours later we had raised enough money to get her into the vets office. We have had donations from as far away as Wales! I had people offer to buy her flea medicine, and two people brought me food for her.

The initial X-Rays determined that she has a Pelvic Fracture and the ball of her Femur bone is broken requiring either a $2500 - $3000 surgery to rebuild the femur ball, which will end up being a surgery that will have to be repeated as she grows, A $500-$1000 surgery to remove the femur ball in essence turning her hip joint into a fused shoulder joint which will hinder her mobility, Aputation of her leg, or do nothing and hope for the best while she writhes in pain from bone grinding on bone.

While every little but helps and the donations we have received for her have helped us to possibly save her life, we still need more to cover her medical expenses.
As an unemployed student living with a father on disability, I cannot afford the bills for this dog. I have grown to love her and she has shown me that Angels don't always come equipped with wings, sometimes they are furry and have 4 paws. Every life deserves the chance to flourish.

Little Angel's Facebook Page

The loss of a beloved

So, It was my birthday today (Well, technically yesterday now as it is 1:30 in the am as I write this)...The big 31. Yippie. I spent my birthday at a wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and I had a good time even though I was mistaken for someone's mother, Do I really look old enough to have a 12 year old kid? Maybe it was the clothes, or maybe it was my hair, I don't know, I do know that I feel like I am starting to wonder who that woman is that stares at me from the other side of the mirror. What happened to being 18 and cute? When was it decided that it was time that I grow up? I'm starting a cycle of re evaluation in my life and I am coming to the realization that if I am going to accomplish that bucket list of things I want to do, I better get busy and do them while I still can!
Aging aside, I have had, as per the trend, another shitty birthday week.

My little kitty Jack Boots died two days before my birthday. He was my best friend, I had grown accustomed to him sleeping on my bed and it's so hard to fall asleep without hearing his little purrs. He came to us such a short time ago for my attachment to him to have been as intense as it is, but that little kitty has helped me through some really rough patches this past winter.
Last Samhain, some cruel horrible person threw him out of their car into our yard and I took him in, nurtured him back to health and grew extremely attached to him. I had never had an animal that was so obviously my pet before Jack. He followed me everywhere I went, slept on my bed, and curled up on my lap while I did homework. He even tried to help me paint. We watched TV and movies together, and I used to leave the front door open and laugh at him as he ran from the kitchen counter through the house and out the door to the top of the Dogwood tree in the front yard, then back to the kitchen. He used to make these cute little half mew half purr sounds when he ate, and he liked to steal my jewelry and make hidden stashes of 'treasure'.
I will miss him more than anyone could possibly understand.

R.I.P. Jack Boots, You left your pawprints on my heart and forever they remain.

Well, That's about all I have for tonight...I'm off to dream of finding the fountain of youth! LOL

New Header - Stacey's Sig Templates!

Just wanted to post real quick so I can get a linkback to a wonderful sig tag designer.
I wasn't really planning on spending the night designing a header tag for my blog, but I got an email from Stacey and she posted up a new blog with her templates and I just HAD to play around! (I mean, what else is there to do other than play WoW when insomnia strikes!) So, I played around in Photoshop tonight and came up with what I think is a great blog header.
Here's a link to her blog, Check out her templates! http://stacey-lookingglass.blogspot.com/

Aside from Stacey's wonderful template, I snagged a pirate render from http://www.planetrenders.net which was Rendered by Mordekhai and the little pirate skull is my own little photoshop doodle. :)
Hope y'all like the new header! :)
Au-revoir for now Bloggers!

Potentials and Possibilities

(I made this image specifically for this blog, I am the model in this image. Please do not use this image for anything! Thank you.)

I had a really intense revelation last night, akin to a divine 2x4 upside the head. I've been really struggling with trying to understand how to overcome the things in my life that are keeping me from reaching my full potential and have been doing a lot of meditation on it. I had started to feel like no matter what I did, I would never reach the core of the problem in order to solve it. My life was an onion with so many layers of issues and every time I would overcome one, there would be another layer, fumigating my life and causing more pain and tears. I started to think of things as a vicious cycle that would never end and that the only thing I could do with my whole life was just work on the issues to get to the core of it all. 

We each have possibilities in our lives, potentials we can reach, dreams to fulfill. While it's good to acknowledge those potentials and could be's and work towards them, Sometimes we forget to look beyond them. It is unhealthy to focus on what we 'could be' to the exclusion of the celebration of who we ARE right now.

Yes, we all have issues, we all have problems to work through in our lives and NONE of us are perfect. How boring would that be? I believe that the biggest mistake a person can make is to overlook the celebration of their life. Whether it be in effort to 'better themselves' or because of the opinions and actions of others. How can you be better if you don't understand where you're at right now? How can you reach your full potential if you don't understand the potential you've already achieved. Embrace the YOU that you are and love them for who they are RIGHT NOW.

What a deep and dark rabbit hole I fell into, and while I'm climbing way back out, I'm realizing that I stepped through the looking glass instead of loving the person reflected back at me. 

Brightest Blessings to all reading this, and I hope that each and every one of you can learn to love yourself, look past what you 'could be' and embrace the amazing and wonderful person that you already ARE! <3 

Au-Revoir for now bloggers! 

The Bardic Pirate. 

Emotional Progression

As human beings we accumulate a sometimes overwhelming amount of emotional 'baggage' through our lives. Some of us choose to work through this baggage to better ourselves and heal from the traumas we have experienced and some of us choose to use them as badge proclaiming that we are the victim of this and that heinous crime against nature. Working through the issues and baggage is something that can't be done overnight. It's not something you can just wake up one day and decide to drop your baggage off at the dump because you don't want it anymore. It is a difficult and trying process with a number of setbacks and heartaches along the way. And just when you think you've overcome it, It comes back to bite you in the ass.

I had a revelation tonight about this very concept. I was talking with a good friend of mine about something that has come back to bite me in the ass and made the comment "I thought I had made so much progress with this issue and now i'm back to square one." He pointed something out to me. I HAVE made significant progress with my issues. I have grown leaps and bounds and overcome things that some people would cringe to imagine. Just because this issue is revisiting my conscious mind, does not mean that I'm starting over with it. I have new information and new avenues to explore in healing this wound. Sometimes, when things come back to bite again it doesn't have to mean we're starting all over. Sometimes it is proof that we are healing, like an old scab, the surface gets scraped off and underneath it still hurts and needs to be healed, but it's not as bad as it once was and it is on the mend.

So when you have issues resurface, such as old issues from your childhood, or issues you thought you had dealt with and moved on from, don't berate yourselves for having 'backslid' to the beginning again, because maybe, just maybe it's a reminder that you are still healing.

Au-Revoir Blogland,
Until next time. :)

Summertime and the coming of Lughnasadh

Photo: Summertime by Alphonse Mucha

When I was a kid, Summertime meant fun. It meant going outside and playing in the sprinklers, hanging out with my friends in a burned out old camper in my backyard and playing wilderness explorer games. Summertime meant no school, no work and all play. When I was a kid. Now that I'm an adult, I look at Summertime in a completely different way. Summertime now is heat, humidity and having to exert more effort to complete everyday tasks. But it's not all bad, because Summertime also means swimming and spending time outdoors when nature is in full bloom and blossom. This Summer, however, is especially hot. It started off pretty cool and I thought we would get a break from the heat this year, but it only waited a little longer to reach scorching, blistering heat. We've been under a few extreme heat advisories and stepping out my front door reminds me of the first round in a sweat lodge. So, with the heat beating down on my roof, the AC pumping overtime and the electric bill rolling like a NASCAR odometer, I thought it would be a good time to punch out some random, sleep deprived thoughts.

It's nearing the end of Summer, The Holly King took his crown at midsummer a few weeks back and the year is starting to wane. Though it may not seem like it because of the scorching heat, Summer is coming to an end and Autumn is rapidly approaching. This weekend is Lughnasadh, Properly on Sunday, the 1st of August. Lughnasadh is the first harvest festival of the year and with all of the festivities planned for this weekend I've been thinking about the meaning of Lughnasadh. Harvest. Obviously the litteral translation is the first thing that pops into my mind; harvesting the crops. Corn, Wheat, Barley etc. But What about modern urban pagans who still celebrate Lughnasadh? What do they harvest if they have no gardens? While I do have a garden in my yard, we did not plant any crops this year. What do we harvest? Spiritual and personal growth. What seeds were planted at Imbolc and Ostara that have come to fruition? What things did we ask for at the fertility festivals that should be ready to harvest? Many of us ask for things like patience, understanding, more time with family and friends, more money. So without a litteral physical harvest, we take the time to reflect within and see what we have planted within ourselves that can now be plucked from the vine. I know I have quite a few personal harvests this year that I am very thankful for.

Aside from the harvest, the mythological connotations of Lughnasadh go back to ancient Celtic Tales of Tailtiu, a Fir Bolg queen and the foster mother of the God Lugh. They say Tailtiu became the foster mother of Lugh after she survived the invasion of the Tuatha De Danaan. She once set out to clear the lands of Ireland so that they could be prepared for planting. She toiled away clearing the forests and preparing the land and as the story goes, she was weary and sickly from the labor of clearing the lands and eventually died from this exhaustion. Her foster son, the God Lugh, who was crafty and skilled with games both logical and physical arranged a funeral feast for her at which they played games and held competitive challenges. This festival was honoured every year and named Lughnasadh.

Now, most of this information is pretty easy to come by if you take the time to look up the meaning of Lughnasadh. I stumbled upon a wepage that really did their homework. This is probably the most information I have ever seen posted about Lughnasadh. Though I have been celebrating Lughnasadh for nearly 15 years now, this website really helped me to understand the festival and it's origins better. I really feel that I have a full understanding of what this festival is, why I am honoring it and it gives me a little more incentive to be prepared for this weekend.

http://www.manygods.org.uk/articles/festivals/lughnasadh.shtml

Well, I do hope that this blog entry reaches a few people and that it may well help some understand this ancient festival a little more.

Brightest Blessings and Blessed Lughnasadh!!!!

Two years later...

Reading through some of my old posts is interesting. I don't know why I abandonned this blog for so long, there are some really in depth thoughts and ideas posted here. So, Whats up with me now?

Reading the last entry, I was excited that we were going to be getting Phantom back. I was unaware at the time that I wrote that blog entry that Phantom had crossed over. The people who were taking care of him were doing just the opposite. Phantom had a skin disorder. A pretty narly one. He scratched himself raw and ate the hair off of his skin so most of his body was bald. We thought for a long time that it was mange and had been treating him for it. The vets had run every test they could think of and the only option left was to send him to a specialist. Right after that news was when we had to send him to some friends to take care of for a while while we moved into the new place. Turns out, they ignored my instructions for my 'special needs' animal and left him outside in sub zero temperatures and he died from exposure within a week of him being at their house. They neglected to tell me about it, instead telling me that he was fine. I found out soon after that last blog post that he had died and my whole world turned upside down. With the sole exception of Sarena, every animal I have ever had that was close to my heart was killed by someone I trusted to take care of them for me.
Three Feathers found a new home as soon as we found out how they treated Phantom, he's still there and happy as a lark and Ariel ran away the day after we dropped the pups off, never to be heard from again. So, the only animal we currently have, is my loving kitty Sarena, who is a bit off her rocker lately, But still just as lovable.

We're still living in our little house in the country and while I love the land here, the house is falling apart. We did end up setting up a garden on the land, and we have a space for ritual work. We're in the process now of setting up a sweat lodge in the back and we even have a compost bin for our little garden. We haven't planted anything in the garden this year, too many other things got in the way of us getting out there and gardening, but in past years, we had Garlic, Cherokee Wax Beans, Corn, Squash, and Pumpkins. Unfortunately, The corn never took root, but we have some lovely Sunflowers there this year. We also have a permanent MayPole in the backyard, a constant reminder that life is a sacred dance.

Spiritually, I've grown by leaps and bounds. Life is a constant process of learning from each other and from spirit. A constant process of self evaluation as well. Once you overcome one hurdle, there is always another to overcome. With each successful hurdle jump, I've become more and more the person I was meant to be. Last year I took an intense look into my past, some serious shadow self work and overcame a lot of hangups that were preventing me from moving forward with myself both spiritually and on a mundane level. I was finally initiated into my path. I joined with a very special group of people who are also walking the same path as I, and with their help, I've begun to flesh out my own path. While my path is based in ancient traditions and practices, it is largely my own path and we're all forging a new tradition for future generations. For the most part, my mundane life is still the same as it has been for some time with the addition now of some intense schooling through the Art Institute, (My dream school) as I work towards my Bachelors Degree in Graphic Design. I should have my degree by October of next year! I also finally took the leap and began studying Reiki. I've gotten my 2nd Reiki attunement and should be recieving my 3rd and final Reiki Master attunement within the next few weeks.

So, now that you've been updated on the newness in my life, I'll close out this entry until I have something more interesting to talk about!
Au-Revoir!

Some updates

I went back to Colorado in November, and things just weren't the same. It felt like everyone had changed but in actuality I think it was me that changed... I have grown so much in the time I have been here. I feel so much happier with myself and my spiritual path here. I am happy to be home.

We recently decided to move out of the city and into the country, it's the best choice we have ever made.

We have moved everything over to the new house now, and we're slowly getting settled. It's kind of crazy with all the boxes everywhere and I have no idea where anything is, but things will get organized and everything will find it's place before too long.

Sarena seems happier in the new house than she did at the old place. She's more playful now than she was, I even made her a toy out of some feathers and string and she seems to really enjoy it. I had a problem at first with the kitty litter we had been using for her. Turns out that I am alergic to it. The reason it hadn't bothered me before is because I was never around it, it was tucked away in the back of the laundry room at the old house. Now that the litter box is in my closet in my bedroom, I had some really bad respritory problems with it for the first couple of nights. I switched to that Tidy Cats litter that has the blue beads in it and I haven't had a problem since.

Pretty soon we're going to be able to get Phantom back. I can't wait, I miss him so much. Three Feathers and Ariel may not be coming back, but I have to have my Phantom back. I keep thinking "I bet he thinks i abandoned him." It kills me to think that. I can't wait to get him back.

All in all, I like the new place. It's out in the country and it's really really quiet. We have enough land that I can start my garden, and set aside a chunk of the yard for ceremonial ground. We have been thinking about setting up a sweat lodge on the property but we haven't decided yet. We don't get any recption on the cell phones out there though, but we're working on getting a land line and internet connection, so, Things are looking up. :)

Blessed Imbolc/Imbolg to everyone, may this season bring you fertility of the wallet, mind, and spirit.

Introspective Reflections

Today has been another day of introspection. I had a theological, well, religious discussion with my father today and I think he may understand me a little more now. He seems to be more genuinely interested in my spiritual development now, not my spiritual conversion to some form of christianity. I had a discussion with a friend of mine about Reiki today. Reiki is the use of life energy, chi, ka, call it what you will, to heal mind, body and soul. He believes that all a person has to do is decide to start using reiki and they can use it. That the traditions and techniques of reiki are only there for people who need organization in their lives. I disagree. Reiki is an energy force. It is THE energy force, the source of life itself. It can be channelled, but it cannot be 'used'. You have to be trained in order to 'use' reiki to it's full potential. Reiki energy, from what I have learned through discussions with a reiki master and several attuned reiki practitioners, is a healing force that goes where it is most needed. You cannot tell Reiki what to heal, once you channel the Reiki energy into someone's life, it heals anything that needs healing. It's neither good, nor bad. It just is. The methods brought to America by Usui's students are the same methods used in Japan, and they work. I don't believe a person can just decide one day to start using Reiki and be able to channel it. I think the attunement aligns your chakras and, well...attunes your spiritual vibrations to those of Reiki energy. Like tuning a guitar, you can play a guitar without tuning it and you can just pick it up and play it, But without learning how to tune it, play it and respect it, it's never going to reach full potential. Reiki is the same way.

With my father being an attuned Reiki practitioner, several of my friends attuned, and one of my closest friends a Reiki Master, I was starting to think that maybe I should get attuned as well. The more I think about it though, the more i think I should wait. I don't think I have the time right now to devote to learning a healing system. I am working on myself right now and I don't think I can devote myself to helping other people until I feel that i am where I need to be. I think learning Reiki would be a bad idea while I am working on some really intense college classes, My Artwork, and studying up on energy work, Goddess mythology, Ritual elements, creation, and performance. I am also working on getting my Book of Shadows into an organized format so I can find things when I need them, I am writing my own recipies and working on some of my own ritual clothing ideas as well. Learning an intense, in depth healing system like Reiki would just about kill me. I think i am going to work with what I have on my plate right now and tackle new things when I get some room for em. "All things in moderation". Or so they say.

I have been learning a lot from people latley, and a lot about myself as well. I have an intense amount of gratitude to the people I have been spending time with because they are all helping me to become the person I am meant to be. I feel like I am well on my way to that goal. I am growing leaps and bounds spiritually, and I am even making choices to help further my career. I am setting up a booth of my artwork at the Omegacon Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention in March of 2008...which is like facing a huge fear for me. There are so many better artists than me, I am going to feel dwarfed by their talent. But at least I am making the effort right?

Hmmm...Is it possible, I wonder, to send "tendrils" of energy from yourself to someone else so that you can drain their energy constantly from a distance? Like an aquaduct of energy flow from one person to another over a long distance without their knowledge. Not that it is something that would be advisable, or even something I would ever attempt, but could it be done? Just one of the many things that run through my mind when I am sitting idly at home with no internet access, and no television. Thank the gods i have a laptop or I would go insane.

Sometimes I wonder would I have come as far spiritually as I have if I had stayed in Colorado? Would I have been able to overcome my anxieties? Would I have been married by now, would I be on drugs again? I wonder where I would be if I had stayed. Would I have advanced or backslid? What if what if what if.....I can what if myslef to death. I need to get some sleep. I have class in the morning and I have less than 8 hours until I have to get up. So I am going to close this blog out for now, and I'll update more later when I have something worth talking about.

Au revoir Blogland....Until next time.