Thoughts from a Full Moon Meditation

If you don't take control of your own Destiny, Someone else will! And you will NOT be happy with where they are sending you. When people push their opinions and ideas about the things YOU should be doing with your life on you, all it does is make you angry and cause issues between you and that person.
Take a look in the mirror and ask THAT person what you should be doing with your life because when it comes right down to it, You're the one that has to live with your choices. Are you going to make them for yourself, or let other people make them for you? Are you going to take control of the story of your life and be your own author or let someone else decide your adventures?

Everything you need to accomplish your goals is available to you if you reach out and take it. Take the reins and take back your power, focus on your true intention, focus on what you want and need in your own life. If you want to make a change in the world, start with yourself. Open your heart to the possibilities of Self Love, and Self Respect. We all walk our own paths, towards the same end, The journey getting there is different for everyone. Don't impose your beliefs on others paths because they might work for you, but they are personal beliefs and opinions that are valid for your path alone.

I am a HUGE advocate of self expression. Especially when that self expression goes against the grain and challenges people's perspectives. I believe that creativity and self expression are wonderful ways to solidify our individuality and leave a statement that says "I did this! I lived this life, MY way!" So, are you going to accept what is being offered you today? Are you going to take the reins and live for you, or let someone else lead you down their path while yours is overgrown with weeds?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...How do you want to spend it?

Sembeo Sound Matrix Soundboard

So I was stumbling through some links on my G+ news feed, when I saw a link that I normally would not have clicked on, But curiosity got the better of me and I clicked... and once the page opened, the next thing I knew, an hour had gone by and I had spent that hour clicking away at the little boxes and RELAXING for the first time in a week.
So I followed the source codes to find the original creator of this nifty little gizmo, and found that most every link lead back to Sembeo, So, Check this page out, watch the awesome videos, and play with the sound matrix Sound board below!! :D

CLICK THE SQUARES TO MAKE SOME MUSIC

Can't Rain All The Time

We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see.
- Jane Siberry, "It Wont Rain All The Time"

So  the past few weeks have been pretty much hell. I have had a complete collapse of self confidence and fell into a hole of depression and self- loathing. I have been trying to clamber my way out of this hole without causing any undue hardship on people who don't need it. It's really hard to feel like you have anyone to talk to when you feel like all you're doing is burdening people with your bullshit. No matter how many times someone says "I don't mind, really, you need to vent!" It doesn't help. No matter how many people say "I'm here for you if you need me." It doesn't help. No matter how many people want to help, the fact of the matter is, there really isn't anything that anyone can do to help. 

People say when you get down, the worst thing you can do is stay home, that you need to go out and be with friends, that you need to be around people who care. The problem is, I don't know how to tell if people actually care or if they are just trying to cheer me up so they don't feel uncomfortable. When you're lost, and can't see and feel like you're under a heavy cloud of depression, things become distorted and don't really make much sense anymore. And whats worse, is when you're already in 'self hate mode' and people start pushing their expectations on you. I know who I am, I know what I have and what I don't have, and I don't need to be consistently reminded of the things I do not have. I know I don't have them and I know it's inconvenient. So what am I supposed to do about it? I don't really know the answer to that, but what I am doing about it is venting. Journaling. Getting it out!!!! Don't let it fester, Don't let it build up inside, Get it out on paper so it doesn't become a toxin that infects my system and pulls me into a poisoned place. 

So yes, I have been Journaling again. It feels good. Its refreshing, liberating and healing. I have been telling other people for months to start journaling and their stress levels will go down, but of course as per the norm, I'm great at dishing it out but do I ever take my own advice? Nah, of course not! So..."The truest test is when we cannot see"** I'm fighting my way out of blindness, trying to determine light from dark without knowing which is which and the strongest urge I have had through all of it is the urge to run.  Run away, start over again somewhere where people don't know me. Erase all my info online and start over anew. Problem is...running never solves anything. So its been a constant struggle for me to fight this urge. Right now. All I know is that "it wont rain all the time, the sky wont fall forever."** I do have people who care about me, and don't want to see me fall, fail or die trying. I do have light at the end of this tunnel, it's just a matter of getting to it. 

Until Next Time, Au Revoir Bloggers.

** - Quotes from the song 'Can't rain all the time" by Jane Siberry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfZzkhfz89c